Dead Men Walking (wish I was one)
by Cookies and Ink
Summary: Peter's running. He's running from the Slytherin's testing his loyalties to the 'cause'. He's running from the visions of a world coated in darkness, burned to ash. He's running from what might happen if he stops and faces the truth.


**A/N** : Written for Round 2, Season 16 of the Quidditch League. I'm Chaser 2 for the Montrose Magpies. Also written for Assignment 11 at Hogwarts. All prompts & other challenges listed at the bottom so as not to give anything away.

Word Count: 1,867

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 **Dead Men Walking (wish I was one)**

Peter ducked as a deep turquoise spell flew overhead. He gripped his wand, his hands starting to sweat, his whole body shaking. Was it another illusion? Avery and B: seemed to like them, and Peter still hadn't found a way to defend against things that weren't there, or against their invisibility spells. It seemed to be a game for them — see who could make him scream and cry out the loudest as spells shot out from the darkness, hands touching him as if from thin air.

"You made me a promise," a voice whispered, breath tickling the back of Peter's neck. "You said you wouldn't make me regret not leaving you for dead in August."

Peter's eyes darted around uselessly in the gloom of the Forbidden Forest at night. Earlier in the day, Professor Slughorn had injected some variety into their potions lesson and taken the fifth years into the forest to forage for acorns, gold and red tipped leaves, and several different types of mushrooms for the potions they'd be brewing this term. Earlier in the day, Peter had laughed with his friends, finally able to breathe now that summer was over and autumn had begun. He was fifteen and he finally felt that he didn't have to worry.

He had thought things would be different at Hogwarts.

He hadn't expected the memories to follow him; vivid images from the weeks he'd spent being hunted, forced over and over to prove his loyalty. The memories plagued him at every turn. Bellatrix Black, the Lestranges, Avery, and even Malfoy had claimed they were breaking him because it was what he deserved — for being a coward, a Gryffindor, impure, and Peter had been helpless to do anything. He was a half-blood and his wand had the Trace on it.

Even if he'd had magic, Peter would have done nothing. Everything was helpless now; everything was pointless. He'd known that for a while.

"I'm sorry," Peter stammered.

There was no response. Had Rabastan been there, disillusioned, or had Peter finally snapped? He had felt like he had been teetering on the edge of insanity for weeks.

Stifling a sob, he cast another _Lumos_ and stumbled forward, breaking into a jog. Since he hadn't had any feelings or Seen any catastrophes, Peter had to hope that he would survive this newest game of theirs or, at least, that they would get bored eventually.

"You can do this," he breathed to himself, cautiously stepping out into a forest clearing. An overcast sky and the tall trees meant that any moonlight that could have helped him see was non-existent. All he had to do was find a way out of the Forest and back to the castle. Whilst simple on paper, it was starting to feel like an impossible task. He knew if the fancy took them, they'd easily leave him to die in the middle of the woods or kill him themselves.

Time and time again, they had told him he was nothing to them. They didn't think he truly wanted to join the Death Eaters, merely that he was a coward and desperate to ride their coattails. He was expendable, an afterthought.

They weren't entirely wrong.

Peter knew more about the Death Eaters and You-Know-Who than anyone could ever imagine. Eight months ago, he had been plagued with the strongest visions he had ever had since discovering he was a Seer when he was ten years old. Unable to do anything but watch, Peter had Seen years of events that were going to come to fruition.

Peter had written to the one person he knew was dedicated to You-Know-Who. Sirius had complained about Bellatrix Black's ideology for years. He had asked to join the Death Eaters and she had not disappointed, giving him more information than Peter had known what to do with.

" _Crucio_."

Peter screamed. He screamed until his throat was so raw that all he could taste was blood. When it finally ended, Peter blinked through his tears to see Avery and Rabastan stood laughing at him. Bitterness and self-loathing welled up inside of him. He was a Seer that had seen the whole world be destroyed. Why couldn't he get visions of ways to protect himself when the Slytherins decided to have their fun, to test his dedication, or better yet, merely answers to the next Transfiguration test? Peter had never wanted to know anything about this war: past, present or future.

His train of thought was interrupted by Rabastan casting another spell until the clearing was ringing with Peter's screams once more. How long it lasted — the slicing curses, hexes and menacing laughter — Peter wasn't sure. Eventually, they grew bored and he let himself indulge in dim relief.

Maybe it was over.

His hopes were crushed when Avery pulled out a shrunken Wireless Radio.

"Onto the second stage of this particular loyalty test." He enlarged it and put it right by Peter's face. "Keep listening. You'll hear your next instructions soon."

"Merlin, you're pathetic," Rabastan sneered.

"We'll kill you if you don't do what we tell you to the letter, you spineless worm. If you think you could follow the Dark Lord, it should be no problem."

Rabastan cast a spell as Avery finished speaking, encasing them both in a purple light, and then they disappeared. Peter wondered if he could get Flitwick or James to teach him some charms or illusionary magic. Then, maybe, he would be the one putting fear in their hearts, rather than the one who was always terrified. He counted to fifty before he dared to move, gingerly getting to his feet. With every passing second, he braced in anticipation for a curse to come out of the darkness.

Instead, it was static from the radio that made him swear then wince.

"Walk and follow the lights. That should be easy enough even for your simple mind."

Peter wasn't even sure it could be considered manipulation if he went along willingly. The lights he had to follow cast a sickly green glow on the forest floor. They led him through overhanging branches and tripping over roots until he was so deep into the forest that Peter started to truly wonder if they were leading him in to kill him. His mouth was dry, hands shaking.

No one knew where he was. Peter had become a good liar, mainly because no one suspected him. The other Marauders knew he was a Seer, but since he'd failed Charms in Second Year, they'd written it off as something mildly interesting but not practical or important. After Seeing what he had, Peter hadn't breathed a word to them.

He'd already started to think of his friends, his family, as dead men walking.

At first, Peter thought he could see the spark of a fire, glowing embers, but as he forced his way through a barricade of branches, he realised that the green lights he had been following had changed to a deep crimson, giving the glade he found himself in an unnerving, surreal feel. The shadows of tree branches overlapped, looking as though they were about to rise from the ground and drag him down — but to where? He was already in Hell. Peter had effectively sold his soul to someone worse than the Devil. You-Know-Who had done magic to ensure he would live forever; Peter had Seen it, just as he'd seen James die, Sirius driven mad, Remus telling werewolves that he was one of them and supported the Dark.

He had seen students he went to class with tortured, everything he held dear destroyed. How could he possibly fight that? Peter had known there was no chance. He was alone, helpless, and all he had been hit with was the knowledge that he didn't want to die.

Whether he regretted that decision now or not, it didn't matter. Peter was in too deep, had seen too much, as Bellatrix and Rabastan regularly reminded him.

In the reddish gloom which illuminated him and his surroundings, he saw a dog. It was bound in ropes, floating in the air. Peter's heart lurched as he saw it, feebly struggling and trying to growl even with its muzzle bound.

The wireless sparked to life.

"Curse the dog."

Unable to respond, Peter shook his head. He might have been a coward, but he wasn't a sadist. He wouldn't hurt a defenceless animal.

"Aww, does somebody need a hug? Curse the dog, Pettigrew. Otherwise, we'll curse you."

It was the way Avery laughed as he ordered Peter around like he was nothing, that was what got Peter moving. He was afraid, but at Avery's mocking tone, he straightened his back and stood firm. Faced with a helpless animal and fake platitudes, offers of comfort mixed with threats, he decided that now was as good a time as any to try and show he wasn't completely broken — yet.

"No."

"Maybe he thinks he's some sort of great hero. Maybe this has been a trick all along. What did Professor Binns say Merlin said once? 'And so here we stand, yet neither of us will ever win this fight.'" Rabastan sounded mocking even through the distortion coming from the wireless. "Except you're not Merlin, are you, Pettigrew? You're nothing but a useless, whimpering idiot."

"Truer words were never spoken, Lestrange. Let's curse him and leave him; I'm bored."

It was ridiculous, Peter thought to himself, that he was relieved to be hit not with the Cruciatus Curse, but cutting curses instead. He had anticipated the red curse blending with the eerie lighting the other boys had left hanging over the forest glade. Instead, it was streaks of silver that hit him, slicing through his skin and making him cry out.

"Peter!"

He thought he was hallucinating. Sirius was standing over him, wand drawn. The familiar blue shimmer of the Protego Charm encompassed them and Peter looked at him in shock. Was this a rescue? Where had Sirius come from? Then he realised that if Sirius was here, Sirius was going to want answers.

"Tell me who did this to you," Sirius said, his voice fierce as he sweeped his wand back and forth before he knelt by Peter's side. "They caught me by surprise and I couldn't see their faces. My senses are a bit overwhelmed by all the new smells and stuff still."

"What?" Peter said, pushing himself up into a sitting position, his fingers digging into damp grass and earth.

"I mastered the Animagus transformation, but I've been practising so I can be perfect and shove it in James' face," Sirius explained, sounding like he was speaking a foreign language. "Here, I'll heal these cuts. There you go. Pinch it hard; it will stop bleeding in a second."

Peter did as he was told and then shook himself out of it. The whole reason he was here, the whole mess he was in, was because he was too complacent, too obedient.

"Sirius, stop. You can't be here!"

Sirius looked at him, his eyes narrowed and then his gaze fell on the Wireless Radio Peter had dropped. "Peter… why are you here? Who did this to you? They were giving you orders; I could hear that."

Peter swallowed hard, tears pricking at the back of his eyes.

"What do you do when there's nothing but pain left inside of you?" he said, his voice hoarse with the sobs he couldn't let fall. "Sirius, I've… you should just go; just leave me. I can't give you the truth, but I'm so tired of lying."

Sirius got a distinctly stubborn look in his eyes and sat down heavily, looking at him intently.

"You're my best friend, Peter. You can trust me."

Sat on the floor of the Forbidden Forest, surrounded still by the conjured eerie red glow, Peter found himself telling Sirius everything. The first visions he'd had, the ones that had come later. How he'd spent his summer hit with Unforgivables and the realisation that his life had changed forever.

Sirius listened in absolute silence until Peter cleared his throat.

"Well, I got an owl telling me that I had to come to the edge of the forest for 'training' and well, you can guess what happened then."

"I'll kill them," Sirius breathed and Peter's head snapped up.

"What? Sirius, were you not listening? I want to join the Death Eaters. Life, everything — it's hopeless. You should want to kill me!"

"You're my best friend," Sirius said. He wasn't shouting, although Peter wanted him to.

"I never said I was a good person, Sirius. In fact, I'm the opposite."

"Oh, shut up. So you saw a load of tragic shit. You don't know the context; you don't know what's actually going to happen. We can stop it. I'm certainly going to stop this. It's not hopeless, Peter. You've got me and I'm not going to let you turn into a Death Eater."

Peter stared at him, trembling from a mix of shock and lingering pain.

"Two heads are better than one. Look at me, Peter, and listen. I'm the youngest Animagus in the world, I've escaped my family and I am going to help you."

In that instant, Sirius looked so sure of himself and so confident that Peter believed him. It wasn't going to be as easy as Sirius made out. Yet, when Peter let himself get pulled up onto his feet and taken back to the castle, he found his heart pounding not with fear — but relief. His friend had listened and not turned him away in horror. In fact, Sirius looked about ready to curse everyone and anyone who looked twice at Peter.

There were stories of Seers who did change the course of the future and alter the visions they'd Seen. Peter had assumed that was more of a myth, but maybe, maybe he could help save the people he loved, instead of standing by and watching them be condemned.

Maybe there was room for hope after all.

* * *

 **A/N:**

\- QL Round 2: Chaser 2 - Write about a character who's deceit or intent to harm ends positively for the recipient/s. **Additional Prompts:** (setting) The Forbidden Forest, (dialogue) "Awww, does somebody need a hug?", (colour) turqouise.

\- Assignment 11: Herbology **Task 1:** Write about someone struggling with a change in their life.

\- Assignment 11: Arts and Crafts **Task 2:** Write about someone putting the pieces of something back together (figuratively or literally)

\- Hot Air Balloon Day - 10. (word) variety

\- Film Festival - 22. (word) fierce

\- Eagle Day - 19. **Terry Boot:** (dialogue) "Pinch it hard, it will stop bleeding in a second." **(bonus)** (word) bully

\- Who's Your Daddy - Percival Dumbledore: "Tell me who did this to you?"

\- Faerie Day - Earth Fairy: Earth, Grass, Roots.

\- Fantastic Beasts and Where to Write Them - Albus Dumbledore: (dialogue) "And so here we stand, yet neither of us will ever win this fight.", (word) Manipulation, (location) Hogwarts

\- The Return of the Chocolate Frog Cards Club - Archibald Alderton: Write about something going wrong

\- Days of the Year: Fortune Cookie Day - Write about a Seer.

\- Summer Prompts - (word) stifling

\- Colour Prompts - (colour) gold

\- Birthstones - **Sapphire:** (dialogue) "What do you do when there's nothing but pain left inside of you?"

\- Flowers - Foxgloves: (word) heart

\- Fire Element - (word) dry

\- Shay's Musical Challenge: Write about someone with anxiety

\- Gryffindor Themed Prompts - Peter Pettigrew

\- Summery Astronomy Prompts - August 12 2018 - Perseids Meteor Shower: (word) rescue 

\- Gobstones Club: Pink Stone - fear. Accuracy - (setting) Forbidden Forest, Power - (word) friend, Technique - (word) ringing.

\- Character Appreciation: Write about someone who feels isolated because of an ability or power.

\- Disney Challenge: Write about someone who feels isolated because of an ability or power.

\- Creature Feature: Hydra: (dialogue) "Two heads are better than one." + Chimera: (word) ember

\- Book Club: **Julian:** (colour) crimson, (word) liar, (dialogue) "I never said I was a good person, [name]."

\- Showtime: Step One - (word) Impossible

\- Amber's Attic: Brightfall: Write about someone struggling to choose between good or evil.

\- Lyric Alley: Of having hope in this insanity

\- Ami's Audio Admirations: Podcast - (object) Wireless Radio, (colour) purple, (character) Peter Pettigrew

\- Sophie's Shelf: Josephine Anwhistle - Write about someone who is anxious about everything.

\- Em's Emporium: Draco Malfoy/Astoria Greengrass: Write about hitting rock bottom.

\- Lo's Lowdown: Governor Kodos - write about someone doing a terrible thing for what they think are the right reasons.


End file.
